Suit Up!

The first thing you hear about Hoi An is that it is Vietnam's premiere destination for suit shopping. It certainly lives up to it's reputation. But before I go into any detail about my time in Hoi An so far let me tell you how I got here...

He's a big lad

Sunday was my last day in Nha Trang. The trip to Hoi An from Nha Trang takes 12 hours so the best choice is to take a sleeper bus overnight. This also saves on a night's accommodation. Sunday arrived as Sundays do, after Saturday and 24 hours before Monday (Rebecca Black would be pleased at my understanding of the days of the week.) I set off in the morning and booked my bus ticket for that evening along with four other Englishmen I'd met while traveling. The bus was leaving at 19h30 so I had another full day in Nha Trang. I had yet to see the giant, seated Buddha statue and decided it would be best to head straight there.

So to the giant Buddha I went (well, Gad and I went, but typing 'I' is so much simpler.) The Buddha is perched on a hill overlooking Nha Trang and there are some fantastic views from the top. To get to the seated  Buddha you must walk past a pagoda, a sleeping Buddha and a giant bell which weighs one and a half tons. I was told that if you stand at the bell the monks would pray for you so I was quite keen to put their prayers to the test. Unfortunately we arrived during the monks' afternoon nap and not a single prayer was heard. Not particularly fussed, we walked the rest of the steps up to the seated Buddha and milled around on the top of the hill, taking pictures and looking like typical tourists. Craving coffee, we headed back down and found the pagoda was being opened. Wanting to take pictures, we asked if we could go in. A monk explained that we could not take pictures until we had done three 'wais' in front of the Buddha statue in the pagoda. A 'wai' is merely a dip of the head and torso with the palms of your hands pressed together in front of your chest. We did our 'wais', snapped some photos and headed off to the nearest coffee shop, 30 metres away.

After a great day on our feet in Nha Trang it was time to lift them and hit the sleeper bus. All five of our group had been put at the back of the bus with no aisle between sleeping berths. The berths aren't exactly very wide so a lot of spooning went down on the trip to Hoi An. It wasn't uncomfortable, but the road wasn't exactly smooth and every bridge is slightly raised above the road level and acts as an extended speed bump. Everyone on the bus would be asleep and the bus would cross a bridge, everyone would be flung a foot above their berths and be rudely woken by the landing. We probably crossed twenty bridges that night.

This kinda makes up for the spooning

Hoi An is an amazing place. I would cross all those bridges twice to get here and still be pleased. The ancient town's architecture is stunning, the market is alive with activity and the whole place lights up at night like no other place in Vietnam. Everywhere you go the streets are lined with shops for suits, dresses and shoes. It's little wonder why Hoi An has been attracting tourists for years.

Gad had come to Hoi An with a single goal in mind: to get a tailored suit. He'd been preparing since Da Lat and was really eager to get going. So, after checking into a hotel, we set off to scout for a good place to buy a suit. Scouting for a suit shop in Hoi An is simple, close your eyes and point in any direction - you will be pointing at a suit shop when you open your eyes. Being sensible people we didn't just walk into any suit shop, we spent about half the day comparing prices and suit quality and pretending to know more than we actually do about suits and how they should look. At this point I would like to add that I'm not getting a suit, not yet at least. When Chris joins me for a month in June we'll be stopping off in Hoi An to do our suit shopping together.

Gad trying on his tailor-made suit

Gad settled on a place run by the famous Mr Xe, an incredibly flamboyant and openly gay Vietnamese man with a really good reputation for making fine suits. I will never buy a suit anywhere but in Vietnam. The prices are so cheap they make everywhere else's prices cry in shame in a dark corner. Gad is getting a cashmere suit with 2 extra pairs of pants, a waistcoat, 2 pure cotton shirts, a trenchcoat and 6 ties for under $300. And it takes only 2 days for everything to be ready. He's picking it up tomorrow morning, having been measured for it yesterday.

It's impossible to talk about Hoi An and not talk about suits, but I'll try add something extra. Hoi An severely lacks a night life. The entire town shuts down after 11PM, but that actually turns out to be a good thing. Very few people are out on the streets at night which means you're able to enjoy the beauty of the place with no other tourists around. And believe me Hoi An is ten times more amazing at night.

Lights start coming on around 5PM and more and more lights flicker into life as it gets darker. By 8 o'clock the town is lit almost entirely by lanterns and takes on a warm, yellow tone. After going to a night club, the walk back to our hotel was breathtaking. There was nobody out and it felt like the entire town was ours. The streets were quiet and the whole of Vietnam seemed, for once, to be resting. It was magnificent.

The market in Hoi An

This certainly makes up for the spooning!

Re-hitting the Beaches

I'm back at the beach, as you would probably have gathered from the title of this blog. And by the beach I mean the city of Nha Trang. The drive from Da Lat to Nha Trang was out of this world. The bus cruised down and battled up one of the longest mountain passes I have ever seen. I've watched many a Tour de France and I can safely say that the pass we came down would probably kill everybody in the peleton. It wound for approximately 40 kilometres down the sides of mountains with waterfalls cascading down next to the road.

A view down the pass

The view from the top was stunning, but the bus driver wasn't stopping for anything but his lunch break so I had to snap that (left) while hanging out the window of a moving bus.
The drive after the incredible pass was not too impressive and involved a lot of hooting from our bus driver and other cars.

I arrived in Nha Trang, met up with Xan and Joe and arranged a room for the night. It was late the time I arrived, so I couldn't do much more than find a place to chow some food. After a really good bowl of Pho I headed back to the hotel with Gad and was told about a boat tour of four islands in Nha Trang's bay. It was very reasonably priced and looked like a lot of fun so Gad, Joe and I booked for the tour. Later that night I overheard a woman on the phone telling someone how much fun it was. I had wanted to see the giant, seated Buddha today but decided to postpone that until tomorrow.

I'm pleased to announce that the boat tour has gone into second place in the great experiences leaderboard, after the Easy Riders tour. It was an amazing day out on the bay and the tour guide was such a funny character. Bao was his name and he made the whole experience even better. He was full of jokes to share with the tourists and had the craziest laugh. I'm also pleased to announce he has taken second place in the tour-guides' leaderboard, Dunhill is almost impossible to outclass.

Island number one

The boat trip took us out of the harbour, under the cable-car to Vinpearl Land, to a small island far out in the bay. We stopped at this island and were told that we could snorkel there for an hour and a half. We were then given the least effective snorkel and goggle combination possible, but weren't really disappointed because there wasn't much to see. The water was post-card-esque (the only way to describe it) and was really warm. Needless to say, the swim was really refreshing and much-needed.

Bao and his boys...

On the way to the next stop lunch was served, hundreds of plates of food appeared on the table and everyone tucked in like it was their last meal. While we were eating lunch we arrived at the next stop, a floating platform just offshore from the second island. We were told we'd have two hours on this platform and were bitterly disappointed to hear that. The platform was really small and there was no way to get on to the island. We were sure it was a tactic to get tourists to rent an overpriced jetski for 15 minutes or take a boat ride at a ridiculous rate. Thankfully, tour-guide Bao proved us wrong. A few minutes after lunch, he announced the arrival of a Vietnamese boy band. The boy band consisted of three old-timers on guitar, bass and drums with Bao the lead singer. Bao entertained us with some local hits (and one of his own songs about his ex-girlfriend who weighed 100 kilos and broke his cyclo) before introducing the main attraction, a 'lady-boy' dancer and singer. They played a few well-known western numbers before packing up and announcing that the floating bar would now commence.

The floating bar was nothing short of epic. Bao had told everyone they'd be receiving a free cocktail from him in the floating bar. The floating bar was a ring of buoys tossed in the water and manned by Bao. Joe and I were the first people to take the plunge into the water from the deck and head over to the bar with our flotation devices. Bao produced his 'cocktail' which was served in plastic cups and was probably 80% vodka and 20% orange juice. I was sure he'd only give us one 'cocktail' each as that is what he'd told us. This was not the case. Bao literally poured the first cup of that vile stuff down my throat and proceeded to give me six more in the space of 5 minutes. After a 30 second swim back to the boat I was well and truly tipsy. Joe, Gad and I dived a few more times and soaked up some sun before the bar was packed up and the boat headed to the next stop.

The third island

We were charged to use the beach at the next island, but it was cheap and was well worth the money. We spent the two hours at the third island jumping and diving off a pier into the water below. Joe and I perfected the running swan dive and Gad got video evidence of it. There isn't much more to add about the third island except that we also sat in the shade of palm trees.

Between the third and fourth island, fruit was served. Watermelons and pineapples were devoured very quickly by all on board, but especially by us three who had worked up quite an appetite. At this point, to my relief, the 'cocktail' was wearing off and I could enjoy the sun beginning it's downward journey. The fourth island was a bit of a waste of time as it had an aquarium which nobody visited due to the ridiculous price of a ticket. Most of the people on the boat opted to have icecream and wait for the boat to leave for the harbour.

The trip back to the harbour was short and sweet. We said goodbye to Bao and thanked him for the great tour then got on a bus and headed back to our hotel. Upon arrival at the hotel I sat down and started writing this blog.

Keep your dong in your pants if you meet a lady-boy
Oliver

P.S. I've been asked to add a little bit about Crazy House as I didn't really explain it's origins too well. Crazy House was designed to look like a giant banyan tree, by the architect Dang Viet Nga. Each room has a theme (bear room, eagle room, etc) and can be rented out by people wishing to spend a night in the Crazy House. The inspiration for Crazy House is rumoured to come from the paintings of Salvador Dali. The garden contains concrete mushrooms, animals and flowers and has a strange, surreal atmosphere. It's basically a really weird place which people like to look at.