Sapa - A Synopsis

My last blog post came to you  from the hill town of Sapa. In it I mentioned briefly that I had arrived and was impressed by the place, not much else. This blog entry will be dedicated almost entrirely to the magnificent town of Sapa.

Mists swirl up the valley

We arrived in Sapa on the morning of the 6th and were instantly blown away by the beauty of the place. Rice paddies are cut into the surrounding hills and mist swirls up the valley in the morning. It is a small town inhabited almost entirely my minority people such as the H'mong and Dzao. The markets buzz and the people always smile. You get hassled almost non-stop, but it is oddly enjoyable.

I will be writing this blog post somewhat like a synopsis of events that transpired in Sapa. In order to do this best I will be writing about each day separately. Let's begin... at the beginning...

Day 1

Duc and I, chilling in Moon

Once we had settled in our hotel which sported a view that few places rivaled we headed into town to orientate ourselves. Orientating oneself in Sapa is not exactly very hard to do. There is one road of significance in the entire town. On this road there are bars, hotels, restaurants and the market. Once we had got our bearings we did the most important thing that every traveler must do. We found a good place to eat and ate. The name of the place was Moon and it is owned by a man named Duc. Duc is without a doubt the coolest guy in Sapa. He played covers of Metallica and Guns 'N Roses on his old acoustic guitar while we ate breakfast. He sat and chatted to us and told us about what to do and where to go in Sapa to get the most out of our experience.
We spent the rest of the day walking around Sapa, stopping regularly to sit and take in the amazing views. We chatted with some of the local H'mong women who gave us wristbands then meandered through the market to see what was on offer.

Day 2

A view down on the rice paddies

Day 2 was our first big day out in Sapa. Or rather out of Sapa. We spent almost the entire day trekking down to a nearby village and back. We set out fairly early and had breakfast at Moon with Duc, bought some provisions for on the trek and headed down the mountain side. We walked along the main road for about an hour until we reached the turnoff we were looking for. We turned off the road and weaved our way down the side of the mountain on a gravel road, passing rice paddies and homes. This was a spectacular walk down and almost every corner we rounded we were greeted by a fantastic view. We stopped often to snap photos and admire the scenery. At the bottom of the track we crossed a wide river on a very wobbly suspension bridge and ended up in a small village. We had wanted to head back to Sapa in the valley, rather than on the main road, but the road we were looking for didn't exist. The map was pretty certain it did and we spent nearly an hour trying to locate it to no avail. A bit disappointed not to be doing the loop we'd planned on doing, we trudged our way back up to the main road and back to Sapa. It was a steep walk back and by the time we reached the local bia hoi joint we were ready to put our feet up.

The river and rice paddies

And put our feet up we did. At just R7 for 1.5 litres of beer we felt happy to put away 3 litres of the stuff. Thankfully bia hoi is weak stuff or we wouldn't have managed to walk the hundred metres back up the hill to our hotel. On the walk back we did have to make a pit stop to empty the tanks, though.

Day 3

We spent our third day in Sapa relaxing. After breakfast at Duc's we headed into the market to get some fruit then back up to the balcony at our hotel where we sat and read for most of the day. I took the opportunity to catch up with the rest of the world a bit and actually watched the news for the first time in Vietnam. It was good to see what was going on in the rest of the world and it felt refreshing to reconnect a loose connection. It came loose the next day again, but it was good while it lasted. After a very relaxed day we headed down to the bia hoi joint, sat with the locals and relaxed some more, this time with a beer in hand.

No such thing as a flat path in Sapa

Day 4

The final day in Sapa. We were catching a night train back to Hanoi on this day and had to catch a bus at 17:30 to get to the Lao Cai train station. Time was limited so we rented motorbikes for the day and headed north, further into the mountains. Jeremy Clarkson said the road between Hoi An and Hue was the ride of a lifetime. The pass out of Sapa is better. The road may not be in the best condition, but the views are magnificent and the switchbacks and curves are incredibly fun to drive on a motorbike. All in all the pass is about 50 kilometres long and winds up and out of Sapa before plummeting down towards the Chinese border. We rode for hours, stopping to take pictures of the many waterfalls which cascade down the mountain side, and eventually ended up in a little village at a crossroads. It was at this little village that we were served the worst coffee in Vietnam, but it didn't matter we were loving being on the bikes. We were a little nervous about missing the bus so we headed back. Driving those roads once more was exhilarating and the bikes came alive on the steep roads. It was a bit of a battle driving up the pass as the bikes seldom managed to get over 40km/h even at full throttle, but the drive was unbelievably good.

The drive of a lifetime

Our paranoia about missing the bus turned out to be completely unfounded as we arrived back at 14:45. As there was not much more to do in Sapa we headed to the bia hoi joint again and waited for the bus to arrive.

We arrived back in Hanoi this morning and headed to the Ho Chi Minh Mausoleum where we saw old Ho's embalmed body. It's a crazy place and no pictures are allowed so I can't share the experience with you, but it was really strange seeing the man this country has deified. It was an almost surreal experience walking through the mausoleum and being able to look at the perfectly preserved body of a man who wanted to be cremated.

Oliver

Vietnam's Biggest Surprise

Make yourselves comfortable, this could be another long'un.

Jeremy Clarkson, upon seeing Halong Bay, described it as 'Vietnam's biggest surprise.' After seeing Halong Bay I can say with certainty that that statement is the best description of Halong bay. You can look at millions of pictures and read thousands of books and nothing will prepare you for your first sight of the thousands of karst islands towering above the sea. But I'm getting ahead of myself. I first need to write a little about Hanoi, the capital of Vietnam.

A back alley in Hanoi, before sunset

The easiest way to describe Hanoi would be to compare it to a similar city, in this case the best comparison would be HCMC. Hanoi is nothing like Saigon. Comparison done. About the only thing Hanoi has in common with HCMC is the craziness. Hanoi is at full throttle all day and most of the night. Sadly, the similarities end there. Hanoi lacks the charm that is so abundant in HCMC. It is much more business-like and the attitude of the people reflects that. Basically Hanoi is all the craziness of HCMC with none of the smiles and laughs. And everything is 50% more expensive than in the south.

On Wednesday morning, bright and early a bus came and whisked us off to Halong Bay for our 2 day cruise through the karsts. We jumped on the boat at midday and had lunch on our way to the first stop on the tour, 2 huge caves full of stalagmites and stalactites. The cave is one of the first limestone islands you come to, so a full view of the other karsts was not provided just yet.

The first cave, lit in crazy colours

The first cave is more popular with the tourists and was lit with lights in many different colours. The cave was spectacular, but the multi-coloured lights detracted from the brilliance of it and furthermore a fountain had been installed near the exit. Millions of years of erosion by the dripping of water and crashing of waves and they've gone and put a fountain right in the middle of the cave. The idea is ridiculous, not to mention damaging to the cave in the long run.

The second cave was much less visited by tourists and was far better than the first. It was not lit by ridiculous lights and it felt a lot less tainted by people. We had only 40 minutes to explore both caves as we had more to do and see that day so we headed back to the boat to avoid being left behind. We left the cave and the island behind and cruised into the karsts. The karsts are truly amazing. There is no proper way to describe them without failing to do them justice. Limestone mountains with sheer cliffs jut out of the sea and tower over everything beneath them.

The karst islands of Halong Bay

The inhabitants of Halong bay have a story almost as dramatic as that of the islands. Many of the people who inhabit the floating villages spread throughout Halong bay are born there, live there and die there, some never setting foot on dry land apart from the karsts. The next stop on the tour was at one of these villages where we were taken through a cave to a place where we could swim. It is at this point that I would like to add that the tour itself was not that good. The tour operators were misers of the worst kind and everyone on board was still hungry after every meal. For breakfast on the second day we had to share an omelet between 5 people. Sadly, this is a common occurrence in Vietnam. It is a deliberate tactic caused by an agreement between tour/bus/boat operators and restaurants/locals. The restaurant has a monopoly on food in an area and the bus/boat/tour operator brings hungry customers who are then forced to buy food. In this case the boat operator was also the snack stall owner so it was in his best interests to keep everyone hungry so they'd buy snacks.

The tour itinerary may not have been the best and the food may have been slim, but the only reason I went was to see the karsts and they certainly didn't disappoint me. Just being able to see this natural wonder was good enough for me. Spending a night on a boat amongst some of those limestone towers was a fantastic experience.

The next morning, after breakfast, we started our journey back to the harbour. The karsts were bathed in early-morning mist and were even more stunning than the day before. We stopped at the same village as the previous day to do some kayaking in exactly the same place as we'd taken the boat which was a bit annoying, but an experience nonetheless. After a measly allowance of 20 minutes on the kayaks we headed out of the karsts and back to the harbour for lunch. For once we were served a hearty meal and I polished off about six bowls of rice.

The karsts wrapped in a mist blanket

After a gratifyingly filling lunch, I waddled my rice belly over to the bus to commence the journey back to Hanoi. The bus driver nearly killed everyone on a number of occasions on the way back by playing chicken with trucks and other buses, but somehow we arrived intact.

We arrived back at 17:00 and had to catch a night train to Sapa at 20:35, so we showered and caught up with the rest of the world while we waited for the train. At 19:30 we made our way to the train station, found the right platform and got on the train. I was passed out within minutes of the train leaving the station and at 4:45 this morning was awoken and told we had arrived at Lao Cai on the Chinese border. We jumped off the train and onto a bus heading to Sapa and waited for it to leave. An hour later the bus departed for Sapa and 45 minutes after that we arrived.

In the past few days I've seen some of the most amazing sights and some of the most beautiful vistas Vietnam has to offer. Sapa is high in the mountains and we climbed through mist and fog to get here. Upon arrival at our hotel we were treated to the most magnificent views I have ever seen. Terraced fields occupy the sides of the surrounding mountains and mist was rising up the valley. We stood on a balcony above it all, breathed in the fresh mountain air and took in the incredible view. What a place!

Welcome to Sapa!

Oliver

P.S. I wrote this blog up yesterday, but wasn't able to add the pictures so everywhere you see the word 'today', substitute it with the word 'yesterday'. It may sound difficult, but I believe in you.

P.P.S Here are some more shots of the karsts for your enjoyment:

Cruising through the karsts

A floating village complete with school and bank

At low tide you can kayak though that little opening

You may not be able to see it, but on the right hand side
of the pic there is a cave that you can go through.

A Month

Today is an important day in my travels, it signifies the end of my first month in Vietnam. I thought I'd type up a blog post to commemorate the occasion. I'll be writing about a few things I've learnt on my travels and hopefully give a few tips for traveling in Vietnam.

Useful Phrases


Cam On - pronounced 'cam ern' - This is the second most useful phrase you need to know when traveling in Vietnam and probably the one you'l hear yourself saying way too often. The meaning is simple, thank you. You can't get bye without it and almost every conversation with locals you have, you'll find yourself blurting it out like a stuck record.

Equally as important as a a thank you is the phrase Khong, cam on - pronounced 'kom, cam ern' - meaning No, thank you. Believe me, after you've been approached by 20 moto and cyclo drivers 5 minutes after leaving your hotel this phrase comes in handy for telling them your feet are a cheaper option for getting around.

Xin Chao - pronounced 'sin jow' - Some could argue that this is the most important phrase you need to know. Simply meaning hello it certainly is a conversation starter and the locals will love you for putting in the effort to learn a bit of Vietnamese.

Tam biet - pronounced 'tam bee-et' - For the quick getaway this phrase is your friend. Best coupled with a 'cam on' beforehand it means goodbye and will let you leave without waving like an imbecile to signal your intent.

Pho (Bo) - pronounced 'fer (boh)' - Used when your stomach is growling. Sit down at any place serving food and say these words. A bowl of rice noodles (and beef) will be in front of you within minutes and you can ease those hunger pangs.

All of these phrases will get you by just fine, but the phrase you need most of all is this:

Ca Phe - pronounced as you would expect it to be pronounced - A lifesaver, the most important phrase in Vietnamese. Coffee. Grasp this phrase and you will experience joy like no other. Look for any stall with these words written on it, sit down, say these words and wait for the magic to happen. However, sometimes ca phe isn't enough. Ca phe (nong/da) will give you (hot/ice) coffee. Ca phe sua (nong/da) will get you (hot/ice) coffee with condensed milk for a little more dong. And for the very particular coffee drinkers, ca phe den will get you a cup of black coffee. If you travel in Vietnam, learn these words if you learn nothing else.

Haggling


A very important thing to learn is that everything can be bartered for and no price you get told is the going price. You're a foreigner you can expect to be charged up to 5 times the going rate. Never accept the first price you get told, you will almost certainly find it cheaper somewhere else. The most powerful bartering weapon in your arsenal is to walk away. Using this tactic will halve the price almost immediately with room left for further bartering.
In a market in Hoi An I was interested in buying some banana chips. I was told they cost 30 000 dong (R10). I immediately said the price was too high and said I'd pay 5000 dong. Suddenly the price had halved and I was being offered the chips for 15 000. I said 5000 once more and miraculously the price dropped to 10 000 dong. It was then that I employed the coup de grace and walked away, saying 'cam on, tam biet'. The lady I was bartering with stopped me and said 'OK'. I bought the chips at a sixth of the original price.

An aside: Caving - this is a term to describe giving in and accepting an offer. It is important to know that if you're prepared to barter for ten minutes you'll get what you want at the price you want it for. Don't cave! In general the person you're bartering with will cave first, you just have to be prepared to walk away.

Another aside: Absolutely everything can be bartered for. The words 'too much' are golden. Everything from hotel rooms to sandwiches to can be bought at a cheaper price if you say the words 'too much' and then quote your price.

Yet another aside: Bartering is seen as a game to the Vietnamese people. Keep laughing and smiling and treat your opponent like your best friend. If they quote a really high price, chuckle at it and say 'too much.' Never get angry. I've seen other foreigners get frustrated and lose their cool. This is frowned upon by the locals and is no way to barter. Some of the nicest conversations I've had in Vietnam have been with the person I'm bartering with.

Just one more aside


Just kidding. I'm going to tell you about shuttlecock, a game very similar to badminton, but played with one's feet. The Vietnamese people love it and every evening the parks fill with shuttlecock enthusiasts all playing for fun. Most people play it for the fun of it, not competitively and prefer to keep the shuttlecock in the air for as long as possible rather than trying to beat their opponent. I say its a game played with the feet but almost anything goes, only the palms of one's hands can't be used.
It could almost be considered an art form as the players emphasise control of the shuttlecock by kicking it from behind their backs or through their arms.

Rules of the road


There are none.

Have a lovely dong...
Oliver

My Son and The Imperial City

Let's clear things up before I begin. I don't have a son, or any children for that matter. 'My Son' is a collection of Cham ruins outside Hoi An. Everyone says they're Vietnam's Angkor Wat, just a severely scaled down version.

Today's blog post will be incorporating two cities as I've been lazy about updating my blog these past few days. We'll start with Hoi An and My Son, taking us back to Wednesday.

Our trip to My Son had been planned the previous day. Gad and I would wake up at 4AM and pack our day packs, shower and get ready then head over to where Xan and Joe were staying. We'd meet them at 4:45, jump on the backs of their bikes and follow the tour bus to My Son. This would work out perfectly and we'd only end up paying the entrance fee for My Son. Brilliant!
Needless to say, our plan didn't work out. We woke up at 4 and found an SMS from Xan and Joe saying there was a problem with the bikes and we'd now be leaving at 7. We didn't complain, we were glad to get the extra couple of hours of sleep.

At 7 we jumped on the bikes and headed off. My Son was easy enough to find and it took us only an hour to get there. My Son was incredible. It is so difficult to describe. The sheer grandness of all the structures is mind-boggling and one can only imagine it's grandeur a millennium ago. The ruins hint at a time long ago and of the people who inhabited this incredible place. I am truly at a loss for words to describe it, the lsat paragraph has taken me fifteen minutes to write. Have a look at some pictures of My Son, they'll help me explain it to you.

The first view of My Son

An idea of the scale

Sight A, the main part of the ancient city

One of the many buildings in site A 

The day after our visit to My Son we headed to the ancient capital of Vietnam, Hue. It is in Hue that Ho Chi Minh's body is kept on display for 9 months of the year. Also in Hue is the Imperial City which was the home of the Emperors of the Nguyen - which reined from 1802 to1945. Our first day in Hue was spent getting our bearings and finding good places to eat and drink. Once our scouting was done we planned for the next day. We thought the best PoA was to head to the Citadel and walk around for the day, but only after we'd bought our tickets to Hanoi for the 1st. And so yesterday began with that course of action in mind. It took us more than two hours to sort the tickets out. This is because Gad has an open bus ticket and had payed for it in Saigon. Open bus tickets are supposed to be convenient. In each city you merely notify your guest house the day before you leave and they'll contact a bus to pick you up the next day. It's easy for me as I just book each leg separately, but Gad got sent to 4 different places to book the ticket and at the last place was told he had to pay an extra $9 to book the bus. The whole idea behind an open bus ticket is that you pay up front and you don't have to worry about availability of buses. In the end he managed to get his ticket, but not without serious hassle. We discovered that the extra charge was due to the Hue Festival which is taking place this weekend and the coming week.

A morning worth of exploring Hue had been wasted but we headed over to the Citadel anyway so as not to waste an entire day. In the Citadel we saw the Festival being set up and headed to the Imperial City. The Imperial City is probably one of Vietnam's biggest surprises. It is an enormous walled city in the middle of the Citadel and, despite having the shit bombed out of it during the war, still maintains it's incredible image.

A giant bronze urn in the corner of a courtyard

We spent the best part of 3 hours walking around this massive city, home to the Emperors, and taking in all the sights it has to offer. No photos were allowed in the emperors' main chamber which is a huge disappointment as it was the most spectacular room in the entire compound. A gold-plated throne stood in the middle of the room and poems were written on the walls, ceiling and pillars. There was a lot more that we could take photos of and all of it proved to be incredibly good. At My Son we had to imagine the grandeur many hundreds of years ago, at the Imperial City the grandeur takes no imagining. It jumps out at you from every corner of the place and shocks you to think that it was still in its prime only 65 years ago.

We walked around the Imperial City, lost in its charm and intricacy. We walked through chambers reserved for emperors and temples reserved for the ashes of emperors of old. We sat on the top of the main gate an looked out over the people of the city, as emperors did in years gone by. We were enthralled by the wonder of the place.

The view from the rear of the Forbidden Purple City compound

After an incredible day out we felt the need to wind down with some cheap beer with the locals. Near our guest house we found a place, grabbed a beer and asked a passing tourist to capture the moment.

A chilled lager with which to chill

The empire was built with millions of dong

Oliver

Suit Up!

The first thing you hear about Hoi An is that it is Vietnam's premiere destination for suit shopping. It certainly lives up to it's reputation. But before I go into any detail about my time in Hoi An so far let me tell you how I got here...

He's a big lad

Sunday was my last day in Nha Trang. The trip to Hoi An from Nha Trang takes 12 hours so the best choice is to take a sleeper bus overnight. This also saves on a night's accommodation. Sunday arrived as Sundays do, after Saturday and 24 hours before Monday (Rebecca Black would be pleased at my understanding of the days of the week.) I set off in the morning and booked my bus ticket for that evening along with four other Englishmen I'd met while traveling. The bus was leaving at 19h30 so I had another full day in Nha Trang. I had yet to see the giant, seated Buddha statue and decided it would be best to head straight there.

So to the giant Buddha I went (well, Gad and I went, but typing 'I' is so much simpler.) The Buddha is perched on a hill overlooking Nha Trang and there are some fantastic views from the top. To get to the seated  Buddha you must walk past a pagoda, a sleeping Buddha and a giant bell which weighs one and a half tons. I was told that if you stand at the bell the monks would pray for you so I was quite keen to put their prayers to the test. Unfortunately we arrived during the monks' afternoon nap and not a single prayer was heard. Not particularly fussed, we walked the rest of the steps up to the seated Buddha and milled around on the top of the hill, taking pictures and looking like typical tourists. Craving coffee, we headed back down and found the pagoda was being opened. Wanting to take pictures, we asked if we could go in. A monk explained that we could not take pictures until we had done three 'wais' in front of the Buddha statue in the pagoda. A 'wai' is merely a dip of the head and torso with the palms of your hands pressed together in front of your chest. We did our 'wais', snapped some photos and headed off to the nearest coffee shop, 30 metres away.

After a great day on our feet in Nha Trang it was time to lift them and hit the sleeper bus. All five of our group had been put at the back of the bus with no aisle between sleeping berths. The berths aren't exactly very wide so a lot of spooning went down on the trip to Hoi An. It wasn't uncomfortable, but the road wasn't exactly smooth and every bridge is slightly raised above the road level and acts as an extended speed bump. Everyone on the bus would be asleep and the bus would cross a bridge, everyone would be flung a foot above their berths and be rudely woken by the landing. We probably crossed twenty bridges that night.

This kinda makes up for the spooning

Hoi An is an amazing place. I would cross all those bridges twice to get here and still be pleased. The ancient town's architecture is stunning, the market is alive with activity and the whole place lights up at night like no other place in Vietnam. Everywhere you go the streets are lined with shops for suits, dresses and shoes. It's little wonder why Hoi An has been attracting tourists for years.

Gad had come to Hoi An with a single goal in mind: to get a tailored suit. He'd been preparing since Da Lat and was really eager to get going. So, after checking into a hotel, we set off to scout for a good place to buy a suit. Scouting for a suit shop in Hoi An is simple, close your eyes and point in any direction - you will be pointing at a suit shop when you open your eyes. Being sensible people we didn't just walk into any suit shop, we spent about half the day comparing prices and suit quality and pretending to know more than we actually do about suits and how they should look. At this point I would like to add that I'm not getting a suit, not yet at least. When Chris joins me for a month in June we'll be stopping off in Hoi An to do our suit shopping together.

Gad trying on his tailor-made suit

Gad settled on a place run by the famous Mr Xe, an incredibly flamboyant and openly gay Vietnamese man with a really good reputation for making fine suits. I will never buy a suit anywhere but in Vietnam. The prices are so cheap they make everywhere else's prices cry in shame in a dark corner. Gad is getting a cashmere suit with 2 extra pairs of pants, a waistcoat, 2 pure cotton shirts, a trenchcoat and 6 ties for under $300. And it takes only 2 days for everything to be ready. He's picking it up tomorrow morning, having been measured for it yesterday.

It's impossible to talk about Hoi An and not talk about suits, but I'll try add something extra. Hoi An severely lacks a night life. The entire town shuts down after 11PM, but that actually turns out to be a good thing. Very few people are out on the streets at night which means you're able to enjoy the beauty of the place with no other tourists around. And believe me Hoi An is ten times more amazing at night.

Lights start coming on around 5PM and more and more lights flicker into life as it gets darker. By 8 o'clock the town is lit almost entirely by lanterns and takes on a warm, yellow tone. After going to a night club, the walk back to our hotel was breathtaking. There was nobody out and it felt like the entire town was ours. The streets were quiet and the whole of Vietnam seemed, for once, to be resting. It was magnificent.

The market in Hoi An

This certainly makes up for the spooning!

Re-hitting the Beaches

I'm back at the beach, as you would probably have gathered from the title of this blog. And by the beach I mean the city of Nha Trang. The drive from Da Lat to Nha Trang was out of this world. The bus cruised down and battled up one of the longest mountain passes I have ever seen. I've watched many a Tour de France and I can safely say that the pass we came down would probably kill everybody in the peleton. It wound for approximately 40 kilometres down the sides of mountains with waterfalls cascading down next to the road.

A view down the pass

The view from the top was stunning, but the bus driver wasn't stopping for anything but his lunch break so I had to snap that (left) while hanging out the window of a moving bus.
The drive after the incredible pass was not too impressive and involved a lot of hooting from our bus driver and other cars.

I arrived in Nha Trang, met up with Xan and Joe and arranged a room for the night. It was late the time I arrived, so I couldn't do much more than find a place to chow some food. After a really good bowl of Pho I headed back to the hotel with Gad and was told about a boat tour of four islands in Nha Trang's bay. It was very reasonably priced and looked like a lot of fun so Gad, Joe and I booked for the tour. Later that night I overheard a woman on the phone telling someone how much fun it was. I had wanted to see the giant, seated Buddha today but decided to postpone that until tomorrow.

I'm pleased to announce that the boat tour has gone into second place in the great experiences leaderboard, after the Easy Riders tour. It was an amazing day out on the bay and the tour guide was such a funny character. Bao was his name and he made the whole experience even better. He was full of jokes to share with the tourists and had the craziest laugh. I'm also pleased to announce he has taken second place in the tour-guides' leaderboard, Dunhill is almost impossible to outclass.

Island number one

The boat trip took us out of the harbour, under the cable-car to Vinpearl Land, to a small island far out in the bay. We stopped at this island and were told that we could snorkel there for an hour and a half. We were then given the least effective snorkel and goggle combination possible, but weren't really disappointed because there wasn't much to see. The water was post-card-esque (the only way to describe it) and was really warm. Needless to say, the swim was really refreshing and much-needed.

Bao and his boys...

On the way to the next stop lunch was served, hundreds of plates of food appeared on the table and everyone tucked in like it was their last meal. While we were eating lunch we arrived at the next stop, a floating platform just offshore from the second island. We were told we'd have two hours on this platform and were bitterly disappointed to hear that. The platform was really small and there was no way to get on to the island. We were sure it was a tactic to get tourists to rent an overpriced jetski for 15 minutes or take a boat ride at a ridiculous rate. Thankfully, tour-guide Bao proved us wrong. A few minutes after lunch, he announced the arrival of a Vietnamese boy band. The boy band consisted of three old-timers on guitar, bass and drums with Bao the lead singer. Bao entertained us with some local hits (and one of his own songs about his ex-girlfriend who weighed 100 kilos and broke his cyclo) before introducing the main attraction, a 'lady-boy' dancer and singer. They played a few well-known western numbers before packing up and announcing that the floating bar would now commence.

The floating bar was nothing short of epic. Bao had told everyone they'd be receiving a free cocktail from him in the floating bar. The floating bar was a ring of buoys tossed in the water and manned by Bao. Joe and I were the first people to take the plunge into the water from the deck and head over to the bar with our flotation devices. Bao produced his 'cocktail' which was served in plastic cups and was probably 80% vodka and 20% orange juice. I was sure he'd only give us one 'cocktail' each as that is what he'd told us. This was not the case. Bao literally poured the first cup of that vile stuff down my throat and proceeded to give me six more in the space of 5 minutes. After a 30 second swim back to the boat I was well and truly tipsy. Joe, Gad and I dived a few more times and soaked up some sun before the bar was packed up and the boat headed to the next stop.

The third island

We were charged to use the beach at the next island, but it was cheap and was well worth the money. We spent the two hours at the third island jumping and diving off a pier into the water below. Joe and I perfected the running swan dive and Gad got video evidence of it. There isn't much more to add about the third island except that we also sat in the shade of palm trees.

Between the third and fourth island, fruit was served. Watermelons and pineapples were devoured very quickly by all on board, but especially by us three who had worked up quite an appetite. At this point, to my relief, the 'cocktail' was wearing off and I could enjoy the sun beginning it's downward journey. The fourth island was a bit of a waste of time as it had an aquarium which nobody visited due to the ridiculous price of a ticket. Most of the people on the boat opted to have icecream and wait for the boat to leave for the harbour.

The trip back to the harbour was short and sweet. We said goodbye to Bao and thanked him for the great tour then got on a bus and headed back to our hotel. Upon arrival at the hotel I sat down and started writing this blog.

Keep your dong in your pants if you meet a lady-boy
Oliver

P.S. I've been asked to add a little bit about Crazy House as I didn't really explain it's origins too well. Crazy House was designed to look like a giant banyan tree, by the architect Dang Viet Nga. Each room has a theme (bear room, eagle room, etc) and can be rented out by people wishing to spend a night in the Crazy House. The inspiration for Crazy House is rumoured to come from the paintings of Salvador Dali. The garden contains concrete mushrooms, animals and flowers and has a strange, surreal atmosphere. It's basically a really weird place which people like to look at.

An Easy Ride

After a week in the beautiful Mui Ne I tore myself from the beach and headed north to continue my travels. My next stop (and current location) was Da Lat, a small town in the misty mountains of south Vietnam. Wrenching myself from the beach has turned out to be a brilliant decision.

Da Lat is unlike any other town I've visited in Vietnam. It is much cooler due to the elevation and the French influence on the town is strikingly apparent. The craziness I've come to expect from Vietnamese towns and cities isn't missing, but is overshadowed by the almost European feel to the town. Rice paddies have been replaced by strawberry fields and flower farms. You could almost be fooled into thinking this is not Vietnam, until you get on a bike.

On the bus to Da Lat I met an Englishman by the name of Gad who has two weeks left in the country and is heading north to Hanoi. Gad knew a couple of guys who are also heading to Hanoi, but have hired bikes for the journey. Gad had made plans to meet them in Da Lat when he arrived and so it was that I met Xan and Joe. We met in a guesthouse called Peace Cafe and immediately got chatting with some of the famous Easy Riders. The Easy Riders could be described as Vietnam's very own Hell's Angels, minus all the leather and tassles. The Easy Rider we chatted, Dunhill, to was such an incredible character and within seconds of meeting Gad had (not very subtly) hinted that he should marry his daughter. He was such a likeable guy, full of smiles and laughs, and soon we'd agreed to do a tour of Da Lat the following day.

A snapshot of the market from an overpass. Still in Vietnam!

Chuffed with our deal, we headed to the market to see what was on offer. The market was a reminder that we certainly are still in Vietnam, but the fresh produce on offer was different to other markets I've visted. After cruising though the market and trying some locally grown strawberries we went to find a place to eat. My first true disappointment followed. The meals on the menu were a bit more pricey than usual so I went for a simple rice dish with chicken and shrimp. What arrived was the smallest plate of rice I've ever seen with half a chicken's left wing shaved over the top and shrimps which were small enough to be partially invisible. The food tasted good, but the quantity was lacking. Sadly, the meal wasn't my disappointment. When we got around to paying Gad mistook a 500000 dong note for a 5000 dong note. This is an easy mistake to make as they are both blue. The difference is that the 5000d note has a white trim on the edges. I had, by chance, been watching the transaction take place as Gad payed for his meal and noticed Gad's mistake. The man who had served us our food also noticed Gad's mistake and quickly pocketed the 500000d note. I saw this and immediately told him to stop and give back the money he'd just tried to steal. He was taken aback at being caught and quickly left the table. The whole experience put a bit of a dampener on the day's proceedings but that was quickly sorted out with a game of pool at the local pool bar.

Buddha watching over the visitors to the pagoda.

The disappointment of yesterday was washed away by the brilliance of today. We met the Easy Riders, Dunhill and Tim, at 8h30 this morning and headed off to our first stop at a nearby pagoda. At the pagoda Dunhill explained how Vietnamese people place the significance of good deeds and good karma over money (makes one wonder about the guy serving us.) He was full of anecdotes and explained how he'd taken a European couple on a tour and ended up paying for their meals, but saying he was happy to do so as it was a good deed. At the end of the trip, the couple tipped him generously and sponsored his daughter's university education in London. It was at this point that he gave Gad his daughter's address in London, which made us all piss ourselves laughing.

A sad blemish on the history of this fine country

The next stop on our tour was at an old war remnant, a house in which a family had hidden northern soldiers from the Americans. The house had been bombed and all inhabitants were killed. Bullet holes are spread all over the remnants of the house and some of the holes still have bullets in them. It was a chilling reminder of the history of this beautiful country and the effect of the war was brought home when Dunhill showed us where a bullet had hit him in the stomach.

From the war remnant we drove on possibly the most amazing road in the country. It was a ribbon of perfection, winding it's way down the side of a mountain. Driving on it was a good enough experience, but we were also treated to one of the most spectacular vistas on the way down. It is on roads like this that a motorbike truly comes alive. Two wheels allow you to flow down the side of the mountain with such ease and precision and the Easy Riders are masters of their craft, making the experience so much more enjoyable. The mountain pass took us out of Da Lat and into a nearby village where we stopped to see the coffee beans being grown and the process of silk making from silk worm to being woven into scarves and clothes.

The view on the way down

A wall of water. Elephant Falls.

Directly after the silk factory we came to Elephant Falls, one of the most spectacular waterfalls in the region. Thousands of litres of water gush over the falls every second, falling onto large rocks and generating a fine mist. We walked down to the base of the waterfall and sat there, enjoying the cooling effect of the mist. The waterfall is even more spectacular from its base and the sheer quantity of water is mindboggling.
Today's blog is going to be a long one, so if you've got this far I urge to bear with me until the end, I haven't even got to lunch yet.

Bet that last line got you nervous. How much longer is this bastard going to write for?

Not much longer. I've got to lunch. We found a little place alongside a dam and sat down to enjoy some much-needed lunch. Dunhill arranged for a selection of everything to be brought to the table for us to sample and eat. A vast amount of food was placed on the table and we tucked in ravenously. Lunch was one of the highlights of the day because we got to share a meal with the Easy Riders and chat and joke as friends. Dunhill kept adding food to our plates, saying 'Make yourself at home' every time he did so. The setting was perfect and the food was delicious. At the end of the meal there was still some food left uneaten, despite the best efforts of six hungry men to finish it. The English lads and I each payed $4 for the meal, which covered us and the Easy Riders. I still find it amazing that R100 can feed 6 people in this country and food will be left over.

Lunch was followed by a trip to a local rice whisky producer. Petrol is less brutal than Vietnamese rice whisky! We each had a shot of the potent stuff which Tim informed us is 70% alcohol. Unfortunately production was finished for the day so we weren't able to see it being made, but we certainly experienced the final product!

By now clouds were rolling over and it looked ready to rain so we made our way back to Da Lat for our last stop of the day, Crazy House. On the way it started drizzling so we broke out the ponchos at which point the rain stopped. Crazy House is a good name for what was on show. It's not so much a house as someone's acid trip converted into a concrete structure. Words can't really describe Crazy House so I'll show you some pictures instead.

It's been a long post, thanks for your commitment to my blog. If you got this far you deserve a medal. I'm not going to give you a medal, but I think you deserve it.

Dong jokes are hitting an all-time low
Oliver

P.S. If I've made spelling mistakes in my blog post or any previous blog post it's probably because all computers are set up in Vietnamese so every word I write is underlined in red. I gave up on checking thoroughly as it would take too long.

Mui Ne is Mooi, Ne!

So I've come up with a cheesy title for this latest blog entry and the more astute of my readers will have noticed that the blog itself has a new title. I've changed the title from 'My Backpack in 'Nam' to 'Oliver's Backpack.'  This is because my plans are ever-changing and I will now be incorporating Laos and Cambodia into my trip on the way back south.

You may be wondering what's been keeping me from blogging these past couple of days. Allow me to show you:

Palm-fringed beach. Good morning, Vietnam!

That is what I wake up to every morning in Mui Ne. Okay, not quite, I wake up to this:

I took that photo. That's why it's skew.

But those are the same palm trees in both photos.

What has kept me from blogging was sheer laziness. I have been spent every day since my arrival in the aptly named Mui Ne (It sounds like Mooi, Ne) on the beach. Every day except today. Today I am proud to inform you I got on a motorbike again. And this time I stayed on it. (A little aside: It is my opinion that the towns and cities in this region were named by a horny Afrikaner. To get to Mooi, Ne you have to pass through Phan Thiet - pronounced Fun Tiet. Your journey sounds like this: Fun Tiet! Mooi, Ne?)
The Lonely Planet had informed me that there are some incredible sand dunes about 35km away, hugging a beautiful lake known as Lotus Lake. As a tourist it is my job to take in the sights, so I went off to find a motorbike to hire for the day. Within no time I was heading to the sand dunes.

The first sand dunes I got to are known as the red sand dunes. Strange name, I've heard it has something to do with their colour... I was bitterly disappointed with what was on show. The dunes were certainly a reddish hue, but they weren't as dramatic as described by the guide books. Unperturbed, I headed for the white sand dunes near Lotus Lake. The directions I had been given weren't exactly very specific, but somehow I found my way there.

Upon arrival at the white sand dunes and Lotus Lake a monkey saw it fit to attempt to bite my leg. Thankfully for me, yet sadly for it it was chained to a post and couldn't get close enough. Lotus Lake was pretty cool and  proved to be aptly named, as there were indeed lotus flowers in the lake. The sand dunes, however, were nothing special.

Lotus Lake

After an hour in the dunes and an hour in the shade of the trees in the above picture I headed back to Mui Ne for a much needed swim.

I arrived back in Mui Ne, returned the bike and charged to the sea for a dip. I plunged into the water and felt immediately refreshed. The water is incredibly warm and I would have stayed in for longer if the sun hadn't been threatening to roast my shoulders. So, being the sensible lad I am I headed out of the water for the shade of a nearby palm tree. It was then that whatever gods there may be decided to shit on my head from a lofty height. A bloody jelly fish stung me on the eyelid. I know exactly how to get rid of the sting, but how the hell was I supposed to piss on my face? I opted for the more sane option and gunned it back to my guest house and hit the shower.

My recovery has been made, so don't fret. My eye is completely operational and only a slight sting remains. No swelling just yet.

Don't let a jellyfish near your dong
Oliver

P.S. This is what a fishing village looks like in Vietnam:

Boats, lots of boats.

My Tho and the Moto

Howzit

It's been a while, hey. I blame backwater syndrome, you know, when you get off the beaten track finding the interwebz can be a bit tricky.

So after Can Tho I headed to a little place called My Tho, considered the entrance to the Mekond Delta region. On the bus to My Tho I met French couple who were planning on doing a stay in My Tho similar to mine. Fred and Carine were their names and we decided to try the same hotel for a room. The hotel we wanted to get to was the Rang Dong Mini-hotel.

We hopped off the bus in My Tho and were surrounded by moto taxi riders. We told them where we wanted to go and settled on a price and were whisked off to the Rang Dong Hotel. The idea was to find a cheap room, something the Rang Dong hotel doesn't offer, but the Rang Dong mini-hotel does. We'd been taken to the wrong place and ended up walking about 4 kilometres in the heat of the day to get to a cheap place.

The incredible dragon fruit

After settling in we spent the rest of the day wandering around the markets. A local recommeded a place to eat that evening and we went to check it out. On the walk to the place that evening I bought some dragon fruit which would serve as my dessert. And as an added bonus, I took a photo to share with you. At supper we planned to hire motorbikes the next day to get to a snake farm (where Fred and I were going to sample snake blood) and then Ben Tre.

After enjoying our really cheap meal we headed back and arranged to collect the motorbikes the next morning. We went to the place we'd arranged to fetch the motorbikes from and got two motorbikes. One for Fred and Carine and the other for me. It was the first time I have ever driven a motorbike and doing it in the craziness that are the roads of Vietnam just added to the intensity of the experience.

That poor monkey, chained to the tree by its neck

I quickly got the hang of it and soon we had arrived at the snake farm. The snake farm turned out to be more like a zoo and was possibly one of the most depressing things I have seen in my life. The snakes were kept in tiny cages, too small for their size and the other animals were treated even worse. We saw a tiny monkey chained to a tree by its neck, bears in cages only twice their size and otters pacing  around a cage with only mud where water should have been.

To give you an idea of the roads and bridges

Shocked by the terrible conditions we dashed off to have some coffee and breakfast, just wanting to get as far away as possible. After breakfast we crossed an 8km long bridge to get to Ben Tre. Ben Tre itself was a disappointment as we didn't have a map to guide us around. Instead of wasting our time getting lost in Ben Tre we thought it better to get lost on the back roads around Ben Tre. It was on these tiny roads that the motorbike (actually a scooter) came alive. We rode on thin strips of tar and gravel and ducked off the roads onto tiny paths. We crossed bridges only just big enough to fit a scooter and bumped and bounced our way past tiny farms and houses.

After hours upon hours of driving on the back roads we headed back to Ben Tre for a snack. After the snack we agreed to head back to My Tho as we had given up trying to navigate Ben Tre. On the way back I had an experience which would be remembered above all others on this day. My first motorcycle accident.

That's me, on the bridge back to My Tho

I was in a turning circle, turning to get onto the right road to reach My Tho when another motorbiker gunned it past me through my blind spot and clipped my front wheel. My front wheel straightened up and I came off. Unsurprisingly, so did some skin on my elbow, knee, ankle and hip. No major damage was done and I was able to get up. The police arrived on the scene within 30 seconds and I thought 'Fuck, I'm going to get arrested!' Thankfully the police were absolutely useless and left without even helping me to get my bike up and off the road. As road acidents go this was very tame and I was up and on my bike again in no time.

We headed back to My Tho, dropped the bikes off and had an overpriced, but welcome, stiff drink. All in all my first motorbiking experience was one for the record books and I loved every minute of it. Even the crash, especially the crash. It somehow rounded off the whole experience. I now have my first war wounds from Nam.

Get your dong out for a motorbike ride
Oliver

Battle scars.

The Mekong River

Before I get to the crux of this blog post let me show you a little something I've been wanted to show you for a while:

The (in)famous bia hoi

And now for the crux.

I spent most of today on the Mekong River. I had to get up at a ridiculous hour this morning to get on a boat that would be taking me (us, as it turned out. A Canadian couple was also on the boat) on a trip along the Mekong River. The idea was that we'd catch the sunrise while on the river then head down to Cai Rang floating market followed by another floating market and then a meander back to Can Tho through the mangrove-lined canals.

I just killed the crus of my blog post, I've managed a synopsis of the day's events in a single paragraph, which happens to include the world's most ungainly sentence. But I digress.

The sunrise.

We set off really early, cruising down the river in the early morning light, waiting for what was supposed to be an amazing sunrise. Needless to say the sun rose, but certainly not amazingly. Something about it rising over construction cranes and steel pipes nullified the effect a bit. The sun definitely was a striking orange hue, but the setting let it down a bit. Honestly I blame bad timing on the sun's part, really. It was like timing a stage entrance to collide with one of the moving props. Sloppy, really.

Vietnamese madness on water. Cai Rang floating market.

With the sun letting the team down a bit, Cai Rang floating market needed to make up the lost ground. And it did just that. Cai Rang came out of nowhere with a stunning entrance to the sound of outboard motors and lapping waves (I'm extending my stage metaphor by the way). Hundreds of boats had moored near the bank of the river and their owners were peddling their wares to the surrounding boats. The market itself was incredible, but I must confess a little disappointment in the variety of wares available. Most boats were selling pineapples, watermelons and other fresh produce. With the exception of a few boats selling crabs or fish there was very little on offer besides fruit. Our guide bought a couple of pineapples and we navigated through the market for a while before heading off.

We ducked down a little canal shortly after leaving Cai Rang. It was in this fated place that I had an epiphany of epic proportions. We moored at a little Vietnamese coffee shop/sitdown place with coffee and tea... I don't know what you would call it. Restaurant certainly doesn't fit the bill. Anyway, we moored at this little place and got out of the boat. Our guide then took us to see how the Vietnamese people make the fabled Pho. We were able to see all the steps in the process and were quite amazed by how much work goes into making those delicious noodles. After gawking like idiots at the process we went back to the coffee shop. I'll call it a coffe shop from now on, it makes life a little easier for me.

An epiphany in a glass.

 So we sat down and a menu was produced. I'd heard that Vietnamese coffee is good, so I ordered a hot coffee. Ice coffee was also available, which is why I called is a hot coffee. A tiny, steaming glass of coffee arrived five minutes later bringing with it a rich aroma. That first sip was the start of the epiphany I mentioned. Vietnamese coffee is the greatest thing ever to grace the planet. It blew me away. It was rich and flavoursome, potent but not at all bitter. It was almost creamy in its texture. Quite plainly, it is the greatest thing that happened to me today. I left the coffee shop wanting to go back for more immediately. And at 10 000 dong (R3.50) a glass, I should have. But we had more of the tour to do.

The nest floating market we reached was smaller than Cai Rang, but a little more diverse. Apart from freshp fruit and veg, there were cloths and clothes available. We only spent long enough at this market to buy some carrots as there were very few boats there in comparison to Cai Rang. After our brief stop we headed off the Mekong river into a nearby canal. What lay ahead was a slow, peaceful meander down canals lined with mangroves. We puttered along, snaking back and forth with the river for a couple of hours until we reached another coffee shop/lunchy place. After the gentle cruise down the canals, sitting and having an ice coffee in the shade was pure bliss.

After nearly 8 hours of Mekong River cruising we arrived back at Can Tho. It was 1 o'clock and it was sweltering so I headed back to my guesthouse to cool off near a fan. I then dawdled my way around the riverside district and made my way to this internet cafe to blog about my day. I'm off now to have some chow.

I'm running out of dong jokes already

Oliver

P.S. Look what I spotted floating in the river. 

Pollution is pretty bad, but this is just ridiculous!

He shouldn't be smiling.